Saturday, 25 January 2014

Gambling Addiction - KOS


Now for a not-so-happy story. 
Thanks KOS for being so candid here. I am glad you are working on your issues and wish you the best of luck.
Hello everyone. I was asked by Dooglus and Deb of Just-Dice if I would be willing to share my story to possibly help others who have the issues I have. Before I begin, let me just be clear. I am a gambling addict. But I haven't placed a bet in over 30 days since leaving rehab and I have no urge to.
Around the time I was 15 years old, a couple friends of mine invited me to playing poker on Pokerstars with them. We lied about our age and got a weekly tournament going. Easily cash out and with no issue we played our game. I started to want to play more, those ambitions of playing in the Sunday million and winning it all really was always my goal. Always playing the satellites to make it into the bigger tournaments. I lost about $1000, half of my savings at the time. I stopped gambling for a month or two cause I never did have a true or large cashout.
Then came the superbowl between the Patriots and the Giants. I really thought the Giants would win so I put $100 on whatever +100 Giants moneyline was. Well it won and it all began from there. I turned $2000 into $16,000 over the course of the next 2-3 years. I did this solely through a cash sportsbook known as Heritage. I never played in the casinos cause I thought they were rigged. It felt amazing winning and always having money to buy things.
In the beginning of the year 2013, I first discovered bitcoins. And it truly was an incredible discovery at first. I immediately fell in love with the currency and all the people in the community I met. I first created my account “KingofSports” on sealswithclubs, the bitcoin poker site, and began buying and selling decent amounts of bitcoin through the poker chat room. I never played poker, I just chatted cause the people were so friendly. I soon became one of the largest buyers of coin and also a large seller too. At this point I was gambling heavily on sports as usual, the big swings here and there, up $1000 one week down $1000 the next. No big deal, I was used to it. 
Then came the provably fair casinos. Dice in particular. I decided one day after a loss to try out the new site Primedice when it was released. Someone had turned 2 BTC into 200 BTC so why not give it a shot. Well it all went downhill from there. Everytime I lost a huge bet in sports or a major upset cost me the win, I’d turn to dice sites like PrimeDice, Coinroll.it and Just-Dice. Cause hey, you lost $50, you can easily win that back with $500 starting right? Wrong. Let me share two of my most memorable dice experiences with you.
It was a day in June I believe, maybe early July. I had sold all my BTC and lost the bit I had left. I had about $14,000 in the bank. Down $2,500 from my highest point early May. I decided to buy $1000 worth of BTC and met a user on bitcointalk willing to trade their 9.9 BTC for my $1000. The fact that I couldn’t have an even 10 BTC bothered me. I drove 20 minutes to bank, deposited the cash and got my BTC. I got home and said “Lets get that 0.1 from PrimeDice just to be at an even 10. I bet 0.1 at 49.5%, lost. Doubled to 0.2 lost. Doubled to 0.4, lost. 0.8, lost. 1.6, lost. And then 2 BTC at a time til what do you know it gone. 9.9 BTC gone in less than 5 minutes. I was shaking, crying too. I emailed PrimeDice and said they were a rigged casino and begged them for my money back. Didn’t get it which was understandable, I had lost. I ended trying to drink myself to death a couple days later and ended up in the Psych ward. I stopped for about a week after I got out but quickly went back to my usual isolation spot of my room to gamble or look up sports stats 24/7. Similar stories of having multiple BTC, going for only 0.1 or less and losing it all happened. Everytime it killed me inside.
Then came the night in early August that I will never forget. Ever. Along with gambling, I had gotten into taking MDMA, also known as E. I never was addicted but I’d take it and always gamble heavily when on it. That night I took mdma and had about 6-8 BTC to my name. The site I always considered myself lucky on was coinroll.it. I deposited all of my BTC there. Betting 1 BTC at under 32400 (49.5% chance of winning, 2x the prize) I slowly made it to 16 BTC. Wow I thought I keep winning. Started betting 2 and 3 BTC until what do you know it I’m at 75 BTC. Its about 2am and I freak out in major happiness. I tried cashing out that 75 BTC. Hot wallet empty/cannot fulfill amount it tells me. I keep going and made it to 78 BTC. Then it all went downhill. Losing happened and up 50 BTC I start crying. I can’t stop pressing the roll button. Before I know I’m at a balance of 0. If I had quit I’d have sold those coins and have been at $20,000 in the bank or more. But I didn’t. And it didn’t stop there either. In the morning, feeling completely depressed and hopeless I insta-purchased 50 BTC from Coinbase. I deposited 35 BTC and bet 5 BTC at a time 49.5% on Just-Dice. I said if I reach 50 BTC I stop. I reached 0 BTC before I reached 50. 7 losses before 3 wins. At this point, I deposited the 15 BTC I had left of the 50 BTC into Bitbook. I bet it on the Orioles that day and they lost bigtime to the Red Sox. Now sitting on $7000 in my bank account after this night. When I could have been at $20,000+. 
About two weeks later I started my sophomore year at college. I was determined to stop gambling. Instead of gambling consuming my life, I met someone that I eventually fell in love with. She to this day is my biggest support and was my biggest motivation to quit. On days that I felt depressed or alone though I gambled big, and I quickly realized I needed to stop being able to buy BTC. I deleted coinbase but I still was able to buy BTC cause of my amazing reputation. I took a loan from BigBitz one day cause my 2 BTC deposit hadn’t processed yet and I wanted to place a specific bet that was about to begin. That bet lost. Later when the night came, I wanted to send Bitz his 2 BTC back with the 0.01 interest we agreed on. Martingaling on casinobitco.in I never was able to reach that 2.01. In anger and in embarrassment I ran from bitcointalk and stopped communication with everyone. The value of those coins was $200-$250, and I intend to pay BigBitz that amount back in USD plus 10% interest by the end of this coming summer. 
I still continued to gamble, but this time it was more in hiding. I went from $7000 to $2000 and finally stopped for awhile. Me and my girl broke up and I relapsed so heavily I woke up the next morning with $500 to my name. I immediately called my best friend and asked for him to help get me to rehab. I made all the calls I needed and drove 5 hours to a place in Virginia called Williamsville Wellness. It was the best decision of my life. It truly changed me and I truly have no urge to gamble whatsoever. They showed us about our addiction, we got so much individual therapy it was incredible. 
What I urge everyone who thinks they might have a gambling problem is to not believe there is no hope. I go to Gambler’s Anonymous once a week and am in the process of getting a long term sponsor. I talk to those people every week and share my story. I am 19 years old, I have never stepped into a casino in real life but can say 100% I am a compulsive gambler. I am an addict. But one thing I have going for me right now is my friends and family, my dedication to stopping and the wonderful feeling that I truly have no urge to gamble anymore. The thought of gambling disgusts me. For anyone reading this who can’t stop, get help. The moment I stepped into rehab I told everyone I have a gambling problem and want it gone. The day I left rehab all the doctors told me they had never seen someone so determined to lose the addiction from the moment they stepped in the building. 
I told my friends this and its true. Gambling was like that girl you date, who you fall in love with but after awhile shows her true colors. She abuses you everyday and controls you. But you love her so you stay with her. Well that bitch is gone from my life and I’m thankful every day for that. Every day is a new day, take it one day at a time. Its been over 30 days for me. For me this is the start of a better life for me and I’m truly happy for the first time in over 4 years. Almost broke, but happy.
I am still all for bitcoin and I want it to succeed. I have nothing against the casinos, investors, players or whoever. I will continue to hopefully be a contributing part of this bitcointalk community as I used to be with all the large escrows I handled, but I wanted to share my story for anyone else out there who is struggling with any sort of addiction. Please know you are NOT alone and there is help. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem and seeking help.


If you think you have a problem I really advise you to check out these sites:
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/content/20-questions
http://williamsvillewellness.com/
As per most posts that are submitted, I ask the writer for a deposit address so that if our readers wish to tip they may do so.
If you would like to tip KOS here is an address 18pRUKLEDbeNaLX6odTaXqYdY2H4SaiQyr

9 comments :

  1. Hi KOS, i don't know you very well, i remember that you was very active when i joined JD doing lotto and trades, after a while is saw that you almost disappear and thought another user down but is good know that you are less active because you know that have a problem and you are working hard to solve it and also show to others the way to try to solve this kind of addiction.

    This is a very complicated problem that almost everybody can suffer specially when you see other people getting btc or money so easy and thought come to your mind like wow it seems too easy to get, if he could why i can't?, i can't lose today is my day. ect.

    In this topic additional to what you have posted about looking for help i also noticed when i was reading the FAQ at JD (DD also have it) long time ago, that there is a section where Dooglus give some help about this topic too,
    What if I can't stop? question give you help for those that are having troubles with gamblig too much.

    Good luck KOS and be always strong against temptation, many people have success in stop those habits. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. People recognize and sympathize with many addictions but gambling doesn't seem to be one of them. But the addiction is real to the point where it's not even about winning, it's about the thrill it provides. Over time the thrill gets harder to fulfill and you end up betting more and more, and losing bigger and bigger.

    I think I've lost close to 20 BTC to JD when I could have walked away +16 BTC. That's roughly $15,000 of my own cash. There were moments where I was basically just self-destructing going from .22 BTC to 1.5 BTC and playing until it's all gone.

    I'm glad you've finally got it under control. I'm not ready to quit yet but I'm definitely leveling off. All the best, Kos.

    ReplyDelete
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